Random Words for Sadistic Lovers
by missherlocked
Summary: Bunch of unconnected stories. #2: Reborn was the one who discovered it-it, what was secretly dubbed as One of The Reason Why Decimo is So Hot. Mentions of All27.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn. If I do, the characters would be shirtless all the time. AN/: All conversations were in Italian.**

q**q**q

Xanxus never give a damn to whatever his slaves were doing, as long as assassination missions were completed niftily. He enjoyed the silence these past few days that had been blessed to him—suspiciously, it started not long after the pimp Vongola boss arrived in Italy—and he was still provided with the best bull meat and the crunchiest beansprout. Those pathetic excuses of subordinates were off the hook _for now_.

However, Xanxus became extremely concerned, or_ fucking pissed _in his fabulous vocabularies, when the meat delivery was late by three point two seconds.

Xanxus' lion was ready to eat Belphegor's head off when the phony prince mentioned the shrimp.

"It's Vongola Decimo's fault," Belphegor said, neck deep in the animal's throat. Xanxus, imagining the imbecile grin on Belphegor's face, commanded his animal box to clamp down his jaw. Only the muffled, pained trademark laugh of Belphegor answered his demand of why. Fucking _trash_. Forget it; Xanxus would check it out himself.

**q**q**q**

The Vongola mansion did not change a lot since the last time he was in. There was a certain lively aura surrounding it and Xanxus could hear yells of _VOOOIII_, thunders, and animals. The guards were but all cowering in the sight of him but did nothing to stop him, which was curious, since the last time he went here, he killed pretty much everyone. And kidnapped their boss.

Xanxus followed the familiar voices to a big oak entrance. When he opened the door, Squalo had a whole turkey on the tip of his sword, a cow was crying, and Lussuria was sprawled across the dinner table (he didn't even want to know why or how).

Reborn was the first one to notice him.

"Xanxus,"

Silence greeted him, and the turkey fell comically from Squalo's sword. Xanxus ignored the cries of "BOSS!" he was receiving and the scums' hands that were moving rapidly towards their weapons; glaring at Sawada Tsunayoshi.

"Ah, Xanxus-san,"

"You don't use honorifics here in Italy, Useless-Tsuna," Reborn scolded, throwing a fork to the shrimp's head.

"Xanxus," Tsuna tried again, for some unknown reason blushing. Xanxus folded his arms and swept his gaze throughout the room, finding it very suspicious that everyone was practically jumping in their seat just to hear Tsuna spoke. "_Vuoi unirti a noi per cena?_*"

Xanxus snapped his jaw shut after unconsciously gaping.

_Wow_.

Just, _wow_.

It must be the _sexiest_. _Accent_. _Ever_.

Sawada Tsunayoshi's Italian sounded like someone whispering sex-phone talk right on his ears, and every roll of '_r_' giving off an unhealthy dose of pheromones. Cue naive smile after the plump lips closed—and the shrimp sparkled, background behind him suddenly full of flowers on a meadow. He _fucking_ sparkled. What was he, a freaking _vampire_ in a rabbit skin?

"Xanxus?"

There was a seductive hiss on the '_s_', and a puff of rosy lips when he pronounced the '_u_' whenever Tsunayoshi called his name. God, how Xanxus wanted this erotic noises on his bedroom.

"_Ci si può-_" Tsuna tilted his head (great, now Xanxus started addressing him only _Tsuna_), seemed to be used to the bloods flowing out people's nose. Xanxus watched fascinatedly Tsuna's arousing way to struggle with his Italian: extravagant use of tongue twists, the twirl of every lick, and excessive sound of suggestive _'hhh'_ for every word that ended with vowel. "-_sedere dove si vuole?_**"

Xanxus would not get a boner. He would _not_ get a boner in front of these people who would gladly cut his dick right away if Xanxus showed some sign of attraction to Tsuna.

"Xanxus?" Damn it. He would _**NOT**_ get a- "_Stai bene_***?"

Tsuna might have just spelled _s-i-n_ with his tongue.

-_boner_.

Mission failed. _Fuck_.

No wonder his people loved to visit Vongola every day.

**e**n**d**.

Translation from Google Translate:

* Do you want to join us for supper?

** You can sit wherever you like.

*** Are you okay?

**AN/: This idea has been running on my head for several days now. Stupid, really. I hope this is funny. LOL. The Italian sentences belong to Google Translate. I can't speak Italian. Ha, I barely speak English (need a beta here).**

**Oh, and I wish I have livejournal and active on it. There are too many scanlation groups that demand member to be active (wails). I love you guys really for the hard work, but my internet is limited at home… (sobs).**

**© fitha.**


	2. Chapter 2

Dedicated to K. D. Ownz, who shares her imagination through a review and prompts me to write this. Thank you so much :) I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Katekyou Hitman Reborn and I don't make any profit from writing this.

* * *

**I**t was somewhere in the afternoon on a Sunday when Reborn first found _it_. _It_, what would people later call the third out of the Seven Wonders of Tsuna, or secretly dubbed One of the Reasons Why the Tenth Vongola Boss is So Hot. The Vongola History Book: X itself went ahead and called this mysterious finding up to par with Jesus' ability Himself. That, Gokudera agreed vehemently, wasn't too farfetched. It was even said somewhere along the lines that Tsuna could even raise the dead if he kept talking to it. There was a joke of Dying Will bullets thrown somewhere in between, but how it really went was kind of confidential.

Even until years later Reborn would still find himself being questioned by a lot of people in how he discovered this most pleasing talent—and Ninth himself stated he could retire away now, _peacefully_, because he was so sure there would be no internal conflict in Vongola Famiglia—in which Reborn arrogantly (no, not arrogance, _elegance_, as Reborn would correct the interviewer) replied, "Of course. I always have an eye for peculiar potentials."

From there it launched to the story of Cavallone boss: how Dino started as a whiny pushover to the bucking horse as he was today, and Tsuna, our no-good Tsuna who couldn't even score more than twenty percent, but now if he as much as inhaled some air to start talking, people would instantly crowd around him just to listen to him speak. "Make me a sandwich," Tsuna should say, and his bitc—subordinates, ahem, would all race to the kitchen or call up the best chef in the world. Or ran to the bathroom and have a private moment to themselves.

"Won't it be hard to remove the blood from the carpets?" the interviewer continued. Reborn agreed. "Well, yes, at first," he nodded aggravatingly. "But our highly skilled inventor Gianinni has found a solution to that. Vongola's high quality carpets are still sparkling clean until now. It's just the maids, you know, they complained that they have to clean everything up every other second and the other day the chef refused to make another batch of soup _again_ just because blood are dripping to their dinner."

"That's terrible," the interviewer said in sympathy. "Are you thinking of firing him?"

"Oh, I fired him alright," Reborn answered. "Some shots did some good to him."

The interviewer winced and backed down a bit. "No, I mean, the other firing."

"Oh, _that_," the hitman snapped his fingers. "You should've been clearer from the start. No, I didn't. I just have Tsuna talk to him."

"How is it?"

"The result is very much to satisfaction," Reborn said charmingly. "Now he joins others behind the pillars when it's time for dinner. Don't worry, it's nothing unusual. Last time we have Doandono Famiglia boss hiding behind the pillar to see Tsunayoshi too."

"Oh my god, _that_ Doandono?" the interviewer gasped in shock. "I thought he said he won't make alliance with any family!"

"Doandono and Decimo met each other briefly at the last month's gala. You can imagine how that went."

_Yes, yes_, the interviewer said, he guessed that had gone very well. He'd heard that Decimo—not necessarily Vongola, but it was more than enough—gained loyalty of pretty much everyone at the banquet. All of this was very curious, (_indeed, indeed_, to which Reborn didn't disagree) and he asked Reborn for more specific details of how he found this third Wonder of Tsuna.

"It was somewhere in the afternoon on an uneventful Sunday," Reborn started. The interviewer could imagine the headline for his: Exclusive Interview with Reborn: The Truth Behind the Boy Wonder.

So. Reborn, still in his baby form, found Tsuna standing in front of the mirror with his fedora hat on.

"Muahahaha, I'm Reborn-sama," Tsuna cackled. "I'm evil. I'm the root of evil. All things evil is me. Ciaossu,"

The seventeen year old boy then made a letter L with his fingers and pretended that it was a gun, shooting randomly on the floor. "Dame-Tsuna, you suck, now I will shoot hundreds of bullets to your feet and it would please me if you die, bam bam bam bam,"

He blew fake smoke from his imaginary gun, then posed what he thought to be magnificent with his gun braced in front of his face, prodding the tip of the hat. "Muakaka. Yes, that's me. I'm Reborn, and I speak no Japanoso. Buon compleano buon natale arriverdeci no me gusta."

That was when Reborn step in. That was also when Reborn regretted the fact that he was a baby.

"Your Italian is terrible," Reborn said suddenly from behind of Tsuna's shoulder. The boy eep-ed and spun, losing his balance whilst he did so. "Let me point out your mistakes. First, _no me gusta_ is Spanish," he said, then blasted a bullet a centimeter off of Tsuna's neck.

"Hiiiii," Tsuna yelped. The window sort of looked like the gate of heaven, but really, if he tried to make a run for it, he'd bet everything he would've died before he could reach it. The last time he succeeded was when he was on the third floor and Reborn _forgot_ to remind him of that fact. Tsuna, quote, miraculously didn't die, unquote, as the doctor had said. Well, if you had lived with Reborn for four years, three-floor jump was nothing he hadn't achieved.

"Second, I don't act like that," Reborn added, now shooting bullets that spurt fire. "Third, you will learn how to speak Italian from Dino."

Tsuna unclenched his eyes. "W-whaaattt? But right now you have Bianchi tutoring me engrishu!"

The hitman flicked Tsuna's forehead and the boy went flying. ("Tsunade was a great inspiration," Reborn commented in between the interviews.) "It's _English_, idiot. And this means you will learn both Italian and English."

"Oh God, sdhkuh," Tsuna wailed. "Fufufu," Reborn laughed, and Tsuna's cries went a little harder.

* * *

"Oh _dio_, dsjakh," Dino swore, his glass of orange juice toppled to his lap. "Tsu-tsuna- you—"

Tsuna frowned. "I know I'm terrible, but you don't have to drop your glass like that," he said. "Here, let me clean your pants for you."

Dino flailed, grabbing the nearest chair pillow and put it defensively in front of his crotch. "No, no! You're absolutely terrific," Dino yelled earnestly. There was no way he would let Tsuna anywhere near his pants right now. Especially pants. "It's just that Romario isn't around, so I might be a little bit clumsy."

Romario is right outside, Tsuna wanted to say, but held his tongue. Dino was so nice, not telling that Tsuna was super awful or something. Unlike that certain phony home tutor of his.

"Now, Tsuna-chan, can you please repeat what I've taught you?"

Where did that –chan come from? Tsuna wondered. Oh well, maybe Dino was feeling a little bit sentimental today. Or Romario wasn't as effective anymore.

"Uh. _Il mio nome e_ Tsunayoshi Sawada,"

"Fuck," Dino cursed, gulping. He stood up and brought the pillow with him. "T-tsuna-chan, I'm sorry, but I have to make a very urgent phone call right now. Excuse me for a moment."

"O-okay," Tsuna nodded, watching Dino went out with wide eyes. Dino disappeared to the living room, and Tsuna thought he'd heard: "…that twisting thing with his tongue! Oh my god…"

But of course he'd heard wrong, Tsuna mulled. Dino-san must be talking to Reborn on how dreadful my Italian was.

"I'm borrowing the bathroom," Dino said once he was finished calling, and disappeared again to the hall. Tsuna deflated. Was his pronunciation like super super nasty that Dino had to puke his gut out in the toilet?

Tsuna sat in silence, trying to listen to the sound of retching that would no doubt echo to the kitchen. There was none, however, and there was no sound of flushing either.

Weird. But Tsuna had been hearing wrong lately. He probably should go see the doctor.

Dino came out with the pillow on his side, looking very refreshed and kind of sparkling. It kind of took him a long time, Tsuna noted as he looked at the clock. That was worrying, he must've lost every bit of his breakfast, he thought.

Before Tsuna could offer some food, however, Dino made his way to Tsuna's side, much much closer than he did at first, and blabbered something about in Canada, there was no law against step-siblings marriage.

"Okay," Tsuna said, because honestly he didn't understand half of what he was saying.

Dino looked delighted to hear this answer. "I think we're done for the day," Dino exclaimed.

"But we've only learned how to introduce myself!" Tsuna cried. Reborn would kill him if that was as far as he learned.

Dino sent a faraway look at Tsuna. "I need to calm my nerves first… yes… I have to…" then he blinked and shook his head, as if he was just freed from a stupor. "You're great, Tsuna, it's just me, I'm such a bad, _bad_ teacher," he leered. Tsuna blinked. "If others wanted to teach you Italian, say no. Do you get it? Say no. I'm the only one who's allowed to teach you Italian, understand?"

"Err. Yes?"

Dino is sooo kind, Tsuna sighed mentally. He doesn't want me to humiliate myself in front of a lot of people.

"Good. Don't randomly practice your Italian too, alright? Here, my gift for you, an electronic Italian dictionary," Dino said and handed a calculator-looking thing, except that it had qwerty keyboard and had an Italian flag on the lid.

"Thank you so much," Tsuna said gratefully. "And, um, _arriverdeci_,"

"_Addio_," Dino drooled and fled.

"Dino-san, the pillow-!"

* * *

Dino just said not to practice randomly, right? So that meant it was okay to practice with Gokudera. Yamamoto was fine, too, because they could learn together!

"Um," Tsuna bite his upper lip, putting his lunch box away. "So. Dino-san kind of taught me Italian the other day."

"That's great, Tenth!" Gokudera jumped to answer.

"Haha, I learned a little bit, too. Reborn asked one of Dino's subordinates to teach me."

"You did?" Tsuna clarified, annoyed. "Well Reborn should've made us learn Italian together! The more the merrier, isn't it?"

"Yes! I could've taught you, Tenth!" Gokudera energetically concurred. "But only if this baseball idiot isn't here."

Tsuna secretly made a face. It wasn't that Gokudera was a bad teacher, it was just that in the end Tsuna wouldn't know whether he made a mistake or not because if Gokudera had a say, he would opinionate that Tsuna's Italian was perfect blah-blah-blah.

"Be nice, Gokudera-kun," the young boss chastised. "Yamamoto, look, I get this uber cool dictionary from Dino. It has the pronunciation feature too, so I've been practicing myself!"

"Awesome," Yamamoto remarked, scrolling down the most-used sentence folder on the dictionary. "Oh, I know this one. Let's try it!"

"Un!" Tsuna nodded, ignoring the sulking Gokudera in the background. In five minutes, Gokudera would bounce back, he knew.

"_Buon giorno_," Yamamoto began.

Oh. Tsuna actually knew how to answer this one.

"_Buon giorno. Come stai_?"

True to Tuna's prediction, Gokudera leaped to Tsuna's side like he just got a beckoning call from God. Both Yamamoto and him stared at Tsuna a little too intensely that he blushed a bit.

Oh my god. He must have sounded so embarrassing. But, but! He had recorded his own voice and it sounded just fine!

"Tenth, you're doing very, _very_ well," Gokudera breathed out shakily.

Tsuna grinned. Sometimes Gokudera's undivided devotion was nice.

"_Grazie_, Gokudera-kun. Yamamoto-kun is doing fine, too," he said kindly. "Let's continue!"

"_I-io sto bene, grazie. _Ahem_. Come voi_?"

"I-io-_ don't stare at me like that_!" Tsuna snapped. "I'm sorry. I know this is a bad idea. I'll stop speaking Italian."

"**No!**" Gokudera and Yamamoto shouted at the same time, for once in agreement. Tsuna almost threw his dictionary in shock.

"Tsuna, we're not lying, you're like, super good at this," Yamamoto said after clearing his throat for the umpteenth time. "We're just…"

"…very humbled to listen to your Italian," Gokudera continued, holding Tsuna's hands in front of his face.

"Very happy," Yamamoto added.

"Yes, yes, that, too," Gokudera agreed.

"You guys are weird," Tsuna concluded, and peeled his hands away from Gokudera. "Uh. Thank you, anyways. Let's do this."

Gokudera shifted, and Yamamoto untucked his uniform shirt.

"You guys okay? You're all seemed rather restless."

"We're fine!" Gokudera insisted. Tsuna stared at him a little longer because Gokudera was never, never in sync like this with Yamamoto outside of battles.

"Okay, then. I'll start then. _Mi sono_- agh, I can't do this!" Tsuna stopped suddenly, his hand raking his hair. "If you could scoot away a little, Gokudera-kun, I can't do this when you're being so close to my face."

Gokudera drooped visibly. "Sorry, Tenth!"

"Actually, Tsuna, my Italian teacher said it'll help you speak better if you lick your lips before you start," Yamamoto suggested.

Gokudera's jaw went slack. "You perv-! How dare you to-!"

"Okay," Tsuna said in all seriousness. The bomber halted in the middle of lighting his dynamites, turning around to face Tsuna.

"Tenth! This idiot is ly-!"

Yamamoto slapped Gokudera's mouth shut. "You can start now, Tsuna," he encouraged.

Tsuna did just so, not forgetting to lick his lips before opening his mouth. Gokudera had stopped struggling long time ago. "_Mi sono mai sentito me_- oh my god Gokudera-kun, your nose is bleeding!"

Tsuna whipped his handkerchief from his pocket. "Here, let me help! You should lie down to stop the bleeding!"

Gokudera stood up so fast Tsuna swore he saw the blood flow got twice harder. "The bathroom," he croaked, and ran away.

"I'm going to check up on him," Tsuna said worriedly and began packing his stuffs, but Yamamoto stopped him.

"Err. It's the best if you don't, Tsuna,"

"Uh. I know what you will say, because he would feel bad if I help him, right? I will see him anyways—hiiii!"

A tonfa came flying out of nowhere. It was stuck on the floor right between Yamamoto and Tsuna.

"Public indecency is not allowed," Hibari hissed. For once, he wore his black disciplinary cloak properly. "Prepare to be bitten to death, Sawada Tsunayoshi," he said, and went for the hunt.

Reborn, always the man in the right time and place, popped out from the thin air. "Maybe if you say 'please stop' in Italian, he would really stop, Dame-Tsuna."

In times like this, you'd want to follow Reborn's words if you want to stay alive. So Tsuna did.

"_Si prega di smettere_!" Tsuna screamed, his –r rolled dramatically in the wind of the school rooftop.

* * *

"This is all very exciting, Reborn-san. Did the Cloud Guardian stop in the end?" the interviewer asked.

"What do you think he did?"

"Well, I would like to think that finally the cloud guardian realize that Decimo is indeed one fine meat to bite. Then he'll go to the bathroom."

"Wrong," Reborn announced, folding his fingers together. "You're close, though. He went to his reception room instead and commanded his underlings not to disturb him for at least half an hour."

"I know it," the interviewer gasped in a fit of aspirations, "I know he has a thing for small animals."

"Cute, small, herbivore kind of animals," Reborn rectified.

"Noted, and will be quoted," the interviewer nodded with an air of satisfied finality. "Thank you so much for your time, Reborn-san. This edition of Underground will be sent directly to your office. Should I send the copies to the Vongola Decimo?"

"That would be great," Reborn said with a smile, shaking hands with the interviewer. When he retracted his hand back, there was a rather thick envelope on his palm. "It's a pleasure doing business with you," he spoke, and smirked.

The interviewer grinned. "I imagine that this edition would be bombastic! Especially with that picture of Decimo on the cover and the headline, The Secret to Vongola Decimo's Success!"

"That picture will sell," Reborn agreed. "Maybe you can add bonus CD or something," the hitman suggested with a gluttony smile. "You know who to contact if you need a trustworthy source."

The interviewer didn't correspond with it right away, but he was thinking about it. "Will do. Again, thank you very much, Reborn-san."

"Anytime, anytime," Reborn answered, waving the envelope. "I have another appointment. Now get out,"

"Yes sir!" the interviewer jumped, packing his stuffs quickly. Before he exited, however, he spoke softly with a shake of his head: "Poor boy, he must have been so confused as to why everyone suddenly wants to go to the bathroom every time he said something."

* * *

(As it turned out, each of the guardians got a copy before the magazine's edition was formally released to public. Not even more than ten copies got to the public's hands, however, because all of the magazines burned in a suspicious explosions in the publisher's warehouse. "The big snakes are eating the CDs," a worker said, but there was no trace of said animal in the warehouse. The boss of the magazine wanted a re-print, but the files had mysteriously disappeared. Until now, the editor was still having nightmares of steel tonfas.)

**The end.**

**A.N.: A review would be nice, guys :) Corrections, suggestions, and prompts are highly appreciated :) I hope you enjoyed reading this!**

**(Edit to add line breaks. Another AN: It has come to my attention that there is another story with idea similar to this one. I would like to swear that I didn't plagiarize or copy that story-the proof is that I published this story a year earlier than the other author-san. That didn't mean, however, that the other author-san plagiarize me. I would love to think that this is all a big misunderstanding. Thank you in advance.)**


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